"8000 Deaths" - Poem by BW Derge from "Paradox Locked" (2019) - written in 2017
8000 Deaths
Pieces of plastic masqueraded as pie-
Stuffed their boar snout faces all night,
Didn’t notice the esophagus cut bleeding,
Didn’t wake up until the sky was dark again
Never to see the light of day again…
The words on the pages of the withered books
Were written with syrup and the letters drip,
Smeared into an indecipherable sticky mess,
Love.
What was her name again?
Carry the water to her dying father,
Further out into a blue abyss, I miss you.
Guzzled the poison down at noon,
Too soon lifted out of the sun,
Unraveled, undone-
She shoves sticks of glue into the plastic gun
Melts into adhesive
To reattach the digestive tract,
Got to get you back, you son of a bitch.
Our coterminous union
Succumbed to earthquakes
Fractured, split, schism-
Call it what you will, I guess.
I am obsessed with not obsessing over myself-
Washing the heap of dishes beneath-
It’s exhausting.
I lost you through losing myself in you,
And now humpty dumpty identities
Are manhandled by hooves unfortunately,
The King’s men drink Diet Coke like Democrats,
Telling stupid, prejudiced jokes in lofty halls
Choking on the stupid titles we label each other,
You’ll die just the same, what’s in a name?
The elevator shafts overflow so I’ll take the stairs,
I don’t need awkward words to pass like gas
Not this early in the morning, I can climb,
Hardly takes any time at all to get there
And sit there for eight hours,
Counting death seconds
Wishing of home, where you sit alone
And beautiful;
A sticky misshapen mess of profound divinity-
The femininity of an infinite universe,
Love.
Forgave the blistered urges for trespasses
While trespassing against those too blind
To know the difference from transgression,
Responds only with confused aggression
Or obedient and submissive bliss, a lapdog
Minding the feline lover whisker whips,
As I try not to focus on this bloated ego,
Attempt to inflate the tinier balloons,
And too soon tell the familiar lie: “It will be okay.”
How do we know such holy proclamations?
Reminding the child that everything is fine
Tends to convince the parents, as well.
But isn’t it a lie? Won’t the bombs fall
On starving carcasses across the world?
The future diseases are eyeballing our weakness
The epidemics are licking their lips,
Waiting for us to slip, and now it won’t be long
As neither you or I belong in this world as well.
Where were we sleeping, least of all peeking,
When the emergence of hell came forth?
The fire and anger, the greedy destruction,
The willful plunge into wild oblivion blasts-
Gunshots crack across decades
Of misplaced pain
And the fat cats let us lap up the last scraps…
That’s the way the universe crumbles, I suppose,
What is left when nothing will grow?
How the world so quickly gets covered in snow…
But our warmth, the plates are clean once more,
You cuddle and snuggle close, all life disappears,
The veils make all the despair vanish in air,
Your beauty astounds and distracts
An endless soul,
We spiral and wither away into bright hot lights
That burn until vines and roots poke through
Again-
Bless the children who will skin each other
Just the same,
With hopefully a momentary lapse of solace
Between the horrible sticky mess
We’ve become…
Love.
Scratch the itch, horribly lonely awful loathing,
She doesn’t let the diamond shine. Beheaded-
Decapitated and murdered, bloody limbs all over,
I could, would gladly be a killer in another world,
But here I am a father, and a prophetic lover,
A sticky mess vomiting bile all over, another girl-
My anima is another being, and it is starving,
Barfing all over what remains
Of the crumbling soul,
Leave it alone, it is nothing,
Nothing else, I say…
The world just loves to fade away,
Flood light blood into another day-
And the sun lets go…
Love.
It slips away,
It falls apart,
It succumbs to the pressure of reality,
Weren’t you just my neighbor?
How quickly the nuclear wars came,
We dismantled each other,
Electric plastic Catholics cry blood for love,
Cannibals of whatever was, neverminded,
I’m fine.
We fall into the same traps,
Ego galaxy contraptions…
I don’t need drugs to know truth,
But they may make it easier to swallow,
How the essence of living could be so hollow-
Choke it,
Subvert your own reality
Into nothing more,
And from the broken holes
Comes a soul undone…
Isn’t this what you wanted anyway,
My biological slave?
Are your appetites not tickled
By the dreams I’ve built?
The awful messy knots
Of suffering bliss snowballs
Called love…
Careful of the pitfalls laden in farewells,
The creatures crawl through the sludge again,
Claw to break the light of daybreak, hell,
The eyes always get blinded by truth, you know
The world slaps wet hard ash upon the faces
That held the gazes questioning
The fabric’s colors,
Wondering how Earth’s movements
Feel so artificial,
The preposterous absurdity of everything
Is so divine,
Worth the time if you have a brave enough mind,
What else were we supposed to do?
What other possibilities could the universe
Have spat out
With the ingredients available,
Atoms that spilled across oblivion,
Daring gravity to shape anything at all,
What a mess,
I call it love.
God forbid fingers stop typing, forget diamonds,
Disregard silly spewing souls all over the place,
Put the dreary subatomic neighbors out of mind,
I say-
Let’s venture together
To a faraway mental escape one day,
Out of time to hopefully be reminded
Of nothing but beauty
Whatever beholding eyes decide,
A tree perhaps?
A distant star, a pretty girl,
The erect penis of existence-
Balls, like testicles, are not so easy on the sights
More of a functional organ, I suppose,
But I digress-
What are such silly humans
To make of this mess?
You’re still hung up on the mention of genitals,
A necessary obsession, though,
We must reproduce
Like a goddamn virus, we must populate,
Keep the great wheel spinning,
We’re only beginning
This is not the epoch, far from it, I’m afraid,
Us bastards won’t be deterred by an atomic war
Or a famine or a drought, we shall keep fucking,
And dancing and laughing and multiplying
The birth unto dying, a clusterfuck of new death,
Life around the loop again, craft another ego,
Paint your mask already,
I don’t have all day-
All eternity will witness my eight thousand deaths
Before I surrender the costume to sit at the altar,
Nirvana is all around,
And yet we blow a balloon ego and float away
To play stupid games with our flesh and brains
When all along our sublime seat awaits...
All it takes is popping the elastic bubble
And dropping down, walking a while back,
What’s a few more births along the way?
Remember the hike back is worth it,
Don’t be distracted by the temptations
Of inflating the device again,
Floating to be lost again,
You’re here all along,
Love.
Full bloom scars all night wither at dawn,
Car crash explosions make smoke in court
And the judge reviews the facts before him
And the gavel falls on top of snoring throats,
No one gives a shit, the money is a carrot
Enticing the stupid into delving deeper
Into nonsensical madness across midnight,
The blood sex plastic game goes on
Into tomorrow
Where the devil paints a masterpiece of sorrow,
Truly a strange fellow Faust chose to follow…
Decorated rockets launch further into the abyss
To snap photographs
Of the lifeless rock dots above,
Preventing exotic dreams
From stretching across time
Into the cupboards of an endless universe,
Forgive me.
Lost on the untended streets of disposed regrets
Sifting along with ghosts,
Pining on long gone desires,
A wolf howls
As grandpa time celebrates himself abrasively,
Drunk shoulders don’t notice the curious gawkers
As both involved know the watchers will walk on
To move on to the next bright lights
To stab them today;
Remind me to forget compassion
When I wake up, okay?
Who’s going to clean this mess, anyway?
I’d love to.
"8000 Deaths" poem by BW Derge, written in 2017
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