"On My Back (After a Shot of Tequila) - Poem written in 2011 by BW Derge from the book, "Everywhere But Elsewhere" (2013)
On My Back (After a Shot of Tequila)
Pain is the sweet lime clutching My teeth
With juice after a shot of tequila;
It is the heart I can’t control,
The erection I can’t soften,
The thing that reminds me
That no one really knows me,
No one really likes me.
No one gives two flying fucks
About the web of hate and love
Tangled in synapses of a faulting brain-
A spiderweb of emotion
Catching flies of discontent
And I drain their blood,
Suck every ounce of misery
From disease infested wings.
And hope doesn’t sprout.
Desires don’t drift.
These worlds crash and burn
Beneath the burden of caring about life.
Oh sweet apathy, won’t you come back to me?
Can’t you mold this bitter sad taste into a gold
That could take me away forever?
Nirvana. Sublimation.
Enlightened degradation.
Kiss me with soft lips of indifference
And open your legs so I can fist clean through-
Break holy stones, become one in you.
You will never realize
How much these worlds meant to you
Until a deathbed hugs you,
Costs of freewill swallow you,
The lime quenches a thirst
You never knew to exist.
All the termites lusting for redemption
Will crawl out of your eyes and fill your mouth
And your teeth will be considered wood.
We will all laugh and point
At your mouths gaping open
Like ten hits of acid have gripped your jaw,
Shown you peace, and helped you notice
The aliens monitoring us with devices
Recording intents of a soul, cavities of a heart,
The cancer of a brain-
We will follow moths into the flame.
The thought of burning is so sweet,
The thought of disappearing-
Vanishing-
Dying-
It excites me. It drives me.
It leads me to think
That these worlds aren’t worth living through.
Love is not worth keeping for the pain I feel
Overbears any love you could throw
On my back.
I will phlegmatically march with hatred,
With some stone appropriately attached.
Toward nothingness! Toward liberation!
Onward to empty feelings full of possibilities,
Materializing only in this brain
Because the sheep are eating grass,
Birds are falling out the sky-
Vermin are feasting on corpses
Of lamenting desire.
Politicians are voting on regulations
For concentration camps, and deciding
Whether or not you belong along with
The scorned. They collaborate with visitors
About whom to kill
And who they can control.
If they snuff the right citizens first,
There will be no one left
To protest, to cry, to defend themselves.
There will only be but murderers
Drenched in avarice, who will have to decide
If they should bury the bodies or not.
They will have to choose to keep building
Roads and bridges, or just lock it all away
In prisms of self-reflection,
A pesky disturbance facing life,
Toothless and unafraid.
Words will melt, bones will burn,
Electricity will fade,
Food and water will diminish,
But there will always be tequila.
There will always be a lime waiting to be bit
After, and I bet you’ll sink your teeth in deep.
I bet you’ll love the sweet citrus affliction.
But know this is everything,
Know this pain is all we have to live for.
Nothing else…
Would you like me to pour you a drink?
On My Back (After a Shot of Tequila)
Written in 2011
by BW Derge
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